Overflowing happiness that I haven’t felt in a while

So yesterday there was the first snow of Vancouver this 2016 (and of this winter). It was truly a beautiful sight and I was very happy on the ride to school (the heated seat in our new car was a bonus). The trees were all outlined with white and it looked like a picture out of those landscape calendars. It didn’t matter that I had class at 8 not did it matter that it was Monday and the first school day of the year. My heart just felt so full. Even the looming challenge of another school term did not deter me from smiling all throughout the ride.

Last night, I was able to figure out a time for me to meet my bff who had come back from her exchange term not too long ago. Having gone to different high schools, meeting up in person has always been a luxury. Our schedules never fit and it just seemed like we weren’t destined to be. But we always made it work. And I was overjoyed to be able to see her in person finally. It’s just different talking online and seeing words from her versus seeing her in person and getting a facial response and everything (being able to hug and hit her PRN).

Then a tad bit later, I found out a mark for a course I took last term. It had been disappointing that even in exams that I felt okay about, I had gotten below class average. My grades have been averaging 10% below average but still passing, which is kind of bittersweet I guess. Since marks don’t technically matter anymore. But it still hurts my ego considering my grades from before. So when I got a mark that was above class average AND in the high 80s, I was overjoyed. The whole day was perfect and I felt like my heart was going to burst with all the happiness. I felt like my hard work finally paid off even though it was just 1 course out of 9. I felt like the old me might still be there. The one who strived for the very best and not just average (well, not even average now).

On a side note, but still about happiness…I have found out why giving is so much more rewarding than receiving. When I receive presents, I feel their care and love. But when I prepare gifts for them, I’m able to think about memories that we went through and how the object holds significance beyond its usefulness/identity. It also is a way for me to transform my thanks and love into something physical for them to see. And it’s always been easier for me to communicate through writing rather than speech. When I imagine their reaction and see their reaction to my gifts and words, it makes the time it took to prepare it totally worth it. The smile on their face and the connection between us in that moment is priceless. Oh I don’t even know why and whether I should be so happy with school starting and all… but happiness is good. Happiness is something that we can’t force but comes to us, so I’m grateful I have all these opportunities to be happy.

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Me against the world

This whole weekend hasn’t been turning out that well at all… I swear it’s not hormones! I’m seemingly at the end of my line, maybe the impending stress of returning to school, but everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, seems to easily piss me off. I’ve had an ongoing headache all weekend as well, which doesn’t help. There seems to be so much more work to do than I can finish in time, and I haven’t been sleeping well either. My bed, which was for some odd reason too comfy a few days ago now feels like a lumpy rock, causing me to wake up several times in the middle of the night tossing and turning. It’s been pouring rain and freezing cold; it’s almost March, Mother Nature! I’ve also been thinking much more than I should be about the past and the future, which doesn’t help on the stress part. No one seems to care or realize that I’m not myself, making me wonder how much my current close friends actually know about me. I guess I don’t let people into my life easily, but I like having friends who I can tell everything to, almost like this blog. Maybe I’m bipolar in a way, I’m either very open or very closed. I hate it when I’m all closed up, but I can’t help it sometimes. The world just seems so harsh and it’s tiring having to put up a front for everyone else. Sorry about the rant, but like my blog’s title says, these are just some of my thoughts that are whirling around in my head. Hopefully I’ll have happier thoughts to post about soon!

And from yesterday…

LENT UPDATE: Day 10 of 40!

10 days does NOT sound like a long time, but it is when you’re itching to watch the latest Wong Fu Production’s videos! I also no longer have the wide variety of music that I had, having been listening only to the songs I have on iTunes or the radio. On the bright side, I’ve had a lot more time on my hands (all those short videos do add up to hours!) and have been able to get more done this reading week that I probably would not have been able to otherwise.

So much of my time is wasted on stupid little things like playing minesweeper (next on my list to stop), looking at tumblrs, talking about “nothing” with my friends, etc. It’s interesting how when there is something that needs to be done, how so many other things become much more intriguing and engaging! It’s easy to be distracted in a world full of distractions, and with “enjoy life” being constantly thrown at us from advertisements, who wouldn’t feel a bit lazier and wish to live life the fun way? I’m not saying you can’t have fun, I just think that there’s so much more you can do with your life if you work a little harder now. All that hard work will get you somewhere, that is guaranteed. In the bigger picture, it really doesn’t matter how many advanced level minesweeper games I’ve finished or what videos I’ve seen, but what we make of our life. We only got one chance to show the world what we’ve got. My mom’s always telling me to use my time wisely, and reflecting on just these past 10 days alone, I can definitely see how I can change my usage of time and energy. I would preferably not quit YouTube foreverrrrr, but maybe limit myself to one or two videos a day. Minesweeper…I can do without.