Forever daddy’s lil girl

I finally watched How To Train Your Dragon 2 with my brother yesterday! I was looking forward to watching it since foreverrr but didn’t have the time. Well I technically didn’t have the time yesterday…but it’s an exception! It didn’t disappoint. No shame, I cried. (I realize that I cry at a lot of kid movies, but I do get emotional easily…) No spoilers but it really touched me when I saw Hiccup with his father. It reminded me of my dad and all the things he would do for me. 

When I was little, I wanted to do everything my dad did. He read huge books full of words without pictures and so I would take his books and “read” them too. I didn’t like reading picture books. I wanted to read what my dad read. Since he was a computer programmer, I would tap away at the computer too. If he wrote notes on paper, I’d follow along, scribbling my own notes. I wanted to grow up just like him. At school, I always wrote him down as my hero and role model. I even considered studying Computer Science after his footsteps. When he cries, (and he rarely ever cries) I cry as well because I can feel his emotions overwhelming me. I was and always will be his little “mui mui”. Everyone says that we look the most alike and I don’t mind. Our personalities are pretty similar too, except for the fact that he reads really slowly. 

I feel so indebted to him for all the love he’s given me my whole life. I know that I wasn’t an easy child. I probably made them laugh a lot since I do that even now, but I was the crazy curious girl. They’d be so patient with me asking them every minute where we were going and if we were there yet in the car while I would get frustrated over them asking me simple questions. I’m so thankful, for them letting me try so many new things that I wanted to try, for staying up with me and helping me with projects, for giving me a good example to follow and supporting me always. He still stays up with me at times when I studying until the morning, or he at least wakes up early and would make me breakfast. He still comes right away to help me kill a spider I’ve found no matter what time or what he’s in the middle of doing. I’ll wake him up from his nightmares and wake him up to lull me back to sleep from mine. He still lists me as a “child” when RSVP-ing for something. I’ll always be the baby in his arms who didn’t know how to do anything other than cry, eat, and poop. I don’t mind waiting for him to see that I’ve grown up. I know he’s proud of me and all the growing up I’ve done so far, but there’s so much more and I can’t wait to let him see it all. 

I just hope that he stays healthy and lives long til he’s all old and wrinkly. I get emotionally attached to people easy and let’s just say that if any one of my immediate family members leave me, I don’t know what I’ll do. One thing for sure, I want him to be the one to walk me down that aisle. I want him to be there when his first grandchild is born. I’m scared sometimes just imagining if he wasn’t able to see all that. Of course, there are countless times when I hate him so much and find him annoying, but it all blows over like a kid blowing out a birthday candle. It doesn’t matter how mad I am at him, I can never stay mad at him. He’s my dad! For now, I’ll try my best to repay his love and be a better daughter. I used to hate it when people snore, but now I can’t sleep until I can hear him snoring soundly. I know that there’s a lot to life that I still have yet to learn, but I just hope that whatever I do, I’ll make him proud, proud to call me his mui mui. 



Verbal diarrhea part 2…let’s rant!

Yet again, there’s been someone who has so blatantly assumed that my brother was dumb. If you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. I love that saying. And it’s definitely true because I know for a fact that my brother is not stupid, intellectually or emotionally. And what’s more frustrating? It isn’t someone who assumed that after a first impression. Needless to say, he doesn’t know my brother even after 2 years. If it was me, I would at least ask if I wasn’t sure. Instead of “Oh so you’re going to be in General Arts right?”, why not “What are your post secondary plans?” Since he had never asked him before anyways. And my poor brother, I really admire his maturity, just took it quietly. I wonder how he would feel if it was the other way around and someone had just asked him about his profession and getting it wrong in the same manner? My brother is going to into General Science thank you very much and his entrance average is a mark that even I am jealous of! Why oh why do people keep assuming that just because he’s quiet and tall and big and without glasses that he doesn’t have the intellectual ability that others have?! And why do they, on the other hand, keep assuming how smart I am?! I wish so badly that it would be switched, for him to be recognized of his abilities and achievements. The recognition that I do not deserve. All this assuming has made him want to just play that role of being a dumb guy. He makes it sound like he’s ok and he’d rather hide his intelligence, but who would want to be assumed to be dumb?? Would anyone be ok with people just stepping all over them because they think you’re dumb? I can’t wait for the day that they’ll see him for the person he really is. And also, just because he’s a bit “bigger” in size doesn’t mean that he can’t be athletic. “Wow, he’s actually fast!” “Woah is that him playing so well??” I’m just glad people can see that side of him. Although it’s sad that they assumed that he was bad first. Slowly but surely I know he’ll find his place. He doesn’t need to show off and stuff, but I just know that one day everyone will be able to see him for who he is. If they don’t, it’s their loss.

Another thing that irks me is how some people like to only give their minimal effort. I admit that I procrastinate and can be lazy at home, but when it comes to certain things, I don’t allow myself to be lazy. For one, at work, I always try my best, same with volunteering. If there’s nothing to do, I would find something to do; do some cleaning or organizing, etc. Especially at work, since I’m getting paid for my time and work there. Another thing I’m not lazy about are things that I make, since it’ll be the product of my time and work, and it’s gotta have something to show for it! I’m a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my own projects, definitely, but I generally like to do things well, especially if they’re art projects. This, is why it irks me seeing people who are getting paid, working full time, and spending all those 8 hours a day doing…nothing? It doesn’t help that all the other people I’ve heard from has only seen them sitting around doing nothing at work either. I don’t honestly know what they do or need to do, but just from seeing their approach to a paper mâché project that we worked on together (mind you, they were getting paid for the time while I wasn’t) was enough to fire me up. They had already done some other paper mâché structures before working on a new one together. They seemed bewildered seeing the way my brother and I did the paper mâché. Haven’t they done paper mâché in school before? Seriously, who does paper mâché using full pages of newspaper and only doing one layer? The whole point of paper mâché is to use small overlapping pieces and lots of layers to create something that will hold. Yes, it’s a big thing they’re paper mâché-ing, but you could just use bigger strips of newspaper instead of small strips and squares like how you would with a balloon paper mâché. It might take longer to do paper mache with smaller pieces and with multiple layers, but ohmygoodness you’re even getting paid for it! Getting paid for paper mâché…and barely doing it right…really?  Minimal effort. Sure you might be able to scrape by and even succeed with minimal effort, but I do somewhat believe in karma. Those who work hard will be rewarded in the end for their hard work. It might not be an immediate result that you can foresee, but I believe that all the good work will come back to them.

Living, and not just…living.

First off, I’ve realized how infrequently I post. It doesn’t help that school started again, term 2 of summer. There’s so much that happened and so much that I want to blog about but not enough time to sit down and actually do it. Well, and so that I can get all my thoughts out too – I’m sure my brain can only handle so much information before it’ll burst, and I need to save some memory space for my summer course! Ok, verbal diarrhea part 1…go!

Paintball. I can now say that I’ve tried it. I went with my friend, her sister, and my brother. It took a bit of convincing and my mom’s help to get my brother to come with us. But I’m glad he did, because we only have so much time and people to spend it with. I’d rather create more memories together (good or bad) than to realize that all the time had gone with no memories to fill it with. I ended up getting no welts or bruises (I was sweating like crazy under the two long sleeves and leggings and jeans, but I guess it was worth it?) while he got plenty on his legs. I got hit tons of times on the face mask but those didn’t hurt. However, the one hit that finished me was the one on the back of my head which gave me a bump and a headache. Well honestly the headache might’ve already been there since I seem to have a chronic tension type headache, but the bump definitely wasn’t there before! I was a noob to begin with, failing majorly with my first time playing COD and being noobs at our first paintball experience with pros didn’t help, but honestly, I think that even if I had lots of practice, I’d die probably instantly if thrown into a battlefield armed. On another note, with the mentality of creating as many moments (live like you’re dying), I’m going to be watching football with my family this week as well since they got tickets. Yes, I find football (and most sports) boring to watch, especially having went to multiple games when my brother was on the football team at school, but I think it’ll be a good experience. And another thing to put on and cross off my bucket list! Whether trying new things end up with good or bad experiences, I at least experience something and learn something.

I’ve also found my motivation to live. Not just surviving and staying alive, but to live. Living may mean different things to different people in different walks of life, but the similarity between them all? There’s just so much to life. You will make your life as full as you want it to be. Before, I was “living” simply because I was…alive. I was doing what I needed to do to get through life, but I didn’t mind if I had died at any moment. Remembering this documentary I watched a while ago made by Love Life really got to me this time. There are people out there with a terminal illness knowing they are going to die soon but not when, and they want to live SO BADLY. They have so much they want to do! So many goals, hopes, dreams. And here I am, not caring about my life. Is that fair?! Most definitely not! Therefore, I’ve decided to really live my life to the fullest. Living not only for myself, but also for those around me. I want to make it worth all the time and love they put into me. Living now means to try new things, forgiving myself of the past and moving on, not being afraid to make mistakes, and spread the love. To infinity and beyond!