Reading break this year has been…a mental war in the trenches. It didn’t help that I was PMS-ing the week before, on the verge of tears almost all the time. So, my emotions were already all over the place. Then, I start stressing out over the use of my time during reading break. Of course I hoped to use my time wisely and study lots, but it just got too intense in the trench warfare. I don’t even know if I want to fast-forward time or slow down time. I was so tired and I just needed to really take a “break” during reading break. Then the whole cycle begins, never-ending. They’re at a standoff – studying or relaxing, one or the either. Staring each other in the eye, the tension feels as if it’s going to make my brain explode. Each reasoning thought takes a walk in the minefield. It gets so stressful and tiring. It’s even more stressful and tiring than studying itself I bet! And most of these episodes last quite a while…when I look at the clock periodically, an hour has passed. And of course, to give my mind a break, I watch pointless but entertaining YouTube videos. Another hour passes. Then another. And subconsciously, it’s back to the battlefield. It’s so frustrating and I feel as though I’m going to fail myself either way. I can’t get over the fear of this trench warfare. And so the clock keeps on ticking, everything’s stressed, and fear storms in. How is school going to be these upcoming weeks? Intense. I can only hope that I can get myself back on track, clear my mind, and focus on what I need to do without thinking too much. And yes, that is too much to ask of my poor strategic war-torn brain.
It’s been a week of winter holidays and it is oh so hard to bring myself to study. It’s just the stereotypical time to relax and have fun and the studying mindset just isn’t there. Catching up with friends, watching movies, napping…with so much time, I just don’t find time to study! And, time doesn’t stop either. I wish there was a pause button in life.
A pause button would allow me to take a breather before tackling the next problem without having to deal with a gazillion things at once since life loves to throw everything at us. A pause button could prolong the happy moments in life, those fleeting moments of pure joy. I sometimes think that as we grow up, those moments are harder to come by. With a pause button, we can think things through instead of making rash (sometimes stupid) decisions. Thinking things through with a clear mind really makes a difference. At times, I feel like the whole world is revolving around me, too fast, leaving me dazed as to what has happened. A pause button would be nice. And, it’d let me get some studying done, helping the procrastinator.