Christmas used to be a huge thing in my life. The tree would go up, decorations were made, gifts were wrapped, and cards were designed. It was a time of big family dinners, the rare time when we could see and play with our nephews and nieces who were closer in age with us than our cousins. It was a time of happiness, of anticipation, of love. As we got older, it seemed to become a chore. The tree began to be put up every odd year now and then, the ornaments began to break or were lost, it was a burden buying gifts. Now, there’s no tree put up, cards aren’t made, and gifts became dollar bills. The time spent on Christmas subconsciously decreased as the years passed by. We don’t even have the reminder of Christmas performances like in elementary and high school. It became a date rather than a holiday.
For me especially, last Christmas was the worst and hopefully will be the worst I will ever experience. It’s…not ruined, but it’s definitely changed my emotions for Christmastime. I’m pretty sure that I’ve blogged about it, but it was the time when I found out that I had failed a midterm. It was the first test that I’ve ever failed, and an important one at that, worth 50% of a 6 credit course. Then, I receive news of my dad’s best friend’s car accident and passing. When things hit you like that, those emotions become ingrained in you. I can’t help but remember it so vividly, like it was yesterday. I guess it sucks having such a good memory. Specially with the amygdala strengthening those memories with strong emotions. I don’t know whether it’s amazing how our body works or if it’s a hindrance. It just makes Christmas more somber, as the memories of the past are there in the background.
But nonetheless, I’ve realized that Christmas is a time of healing, of love. The Christmas spirit can still be found. Shopping for gifts for everyone you care about, thinking about them, their likes and dislikes, it makes you happy inside. Seeing people during Christmas dinners or just a get together, and catching up on the year’s happenings. Even just saying Merry Christmas to people you see, a celebration together with everyone in the world. Despite having experienced previous Christmases that may not have been full of happy memories for me, there’s always Christmases to come to create new memories. So Merry Christmas everyone! And I hope that everyone will be able to find that Christmas spirit. It is indeed a season to be jolly.