So even though I’ve gone through crazy life changes these past weeks, there’s some things that I realized will never change, and I’ve come to realize that that’s okay. My beliefs won’t change, and that keeps me from changing my actions. To me, family is still the most important thing that I’m willing to sacrifice anything and everything for. Instead of throwing it aside to avoid being hurt, I’m still going headfirst into it and giving it my all. I’m still willing to voluntarily be my brother’s food-delivery-man. Just because I love him no matter what. No matter how he may look down on me or perceive me, that won’t change how I myself perceives him. I’m willing to spend as much of my spare time with my parents because they’re forever my parents. There will never be a day when I can finish repaying their love for bringing me up and giving me all their love. And it’s okay if it’s too hard for them to change. I guess I’ve reached the place where I’m learning to settle for their personal bests and my personal bests. They’re trying their best and that’s all I need. No one is perfect. Heck, I’m far from perfect myself. But the journey in trying is all that matters. Seeing them try to hold their tongue and see me as an adult, that’s enough. Seeing them give me the space to breathe that I longed for, that’s enough. Seeing them actually listen to my ideas and not shooting down my every thought, that’s enough.
Family has always been so, so, so important for me. Perhaps I brought it upon myself more hurt than I should have because of trying too hard to make my dream “family” come true. But I don’t want to settle for less than that. Instead, I’m learning to see how our broken pieces make a beautiful and whole picture. And I’m going to work my butt off like always to build this complicated puzzle. Like my lock screen reminds me all the time: Keep going. The most difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations. And my background says, “Yes, it’s going to be hard, but hard is not impossible”. This not only applies to work and life, but relationships as well. Being in a family is essentially a lifelong group project (which I hated in university). We’re so different, but as long as we put the effort in, we can use our strengths to complete their weaknesses, and make a dream team. We might not get our choice of group partners, and definitely not family, but its our choice for our effort and input. So my choice is always going to be to give that 110% effort and as long as they’re putting their 100% effort, that’s okay. I’m content.