In preparation for my interview for entry into the faculty of Pharmacy, I need to learn to formulate ideas and thoughts quickly. And I’ll need to work on my talking and “bubbly-ness” of course, but I just thought this may help. Blogging has helped me in classes to make my thoughts flow better as it helps me practice cold writes. So in light of the preparation of the MMI on June 9th, I am going to blog daily and hope that it can at least help me practice thinking of words on the spot etc. As for the talking, I guess I’ll either be bothering more people more often or start talking to myself in the mirror!
One thing I’ve learned today while asking for advice on preparing for the interviews is that I need to put myself out there. Out of my comfort box. Ever since I can remember, I care a lot about how people view me. I stutter at times because I’m scared. I’m scared of saying the wrong thing or sounding stupid, or both. I have this great fear of everything. Is there a phobia for that sort of fear? I’m scared of commitments because I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I’m scared of the future because I’m scared that I’m not good enough, that I won’t be able to succeed. I’m scared of missing opportunities but I can’t bring myself to have the option of failure. I am a scaredy-cat.
However, for my future, for my parents, for me…I am going to put myself out there and do all that I can to step out of that fear which is putting me in a box. I don’t know whether it’ll be enough for the interviews, but another thing about me is that I’m stubborn. I will work hard for my goals. Today, I had to engage with the vendors at the food court in a mall and not just order my lunch. It was very nervewracking, but I was able to learn something about them two out of three times. I’ve resolved to go buy something and initiate conversation every day this week in addition to the daily blogs. I’m doing this not only for myself, but to make up for the regrets of being a better person before. I know it can’t make a difference to my grandma watching me from heaven, but I want to make her proud. I want to be the ambitious, happy, brave little granddaughter that I was as a child. I know I don’t have much time, and with summer school, life is getting intense. But I’m going to try my hardest and do everything that I can for this.
As we get older, the collection of birthdays grow, and it doesn’t seem to be such a big deal after all. When we were young, birthdays were everything! The party, the presents, the birthday cake, the games. The excitement dies down, however, as we realize that getting older isn’t so much fun and carefree as expected. Birthday parties aren’t as common, the amount of invitations dwindle, and the excitement just isn’t there anymore! More responsibilities, more challenging situations, more decisions. Doesn’t help that we now realize that each day is just another day closer to dying eh? Anyways, now that I’m considered a young adult, growing up seems to have sped up exponentially. In a few years, I’ll be hopefully working full time, done my degree, ready to move out, etc. It seems like yesterday when I was going to elementary school, learning my times table, playing “house” with my friends. Unknowingly, time flies and every little moment can become one of those precious moments. Growing up, we realize how fragile life is and how we’re like a wave in the ocean, gone in a heartbeat. I’ve come to treasure all the happy memories and living in a way that I can look back at and smile at. It’s hard growing up, and like a friend said, I’ll grow up with SLOW maturity into a proper lady. Slowly but surely. Life is a journey that never ends. Even at 100, we can still grow up and become a better person. I just hope that as I transition this new chapter of life of adulthood, I will stay young at heart, gain maturity and wisdom, and continue to better myself.
I’m so thankful for my friends. Birthdays are an excuse to see friends. And friends are the life jacket that is always there beside us in the turbulent waves of life. My best friends know who they are. They are the ones that will always keep in touch because something comes up and there’s no other person that I would want to talk to. They will always tell me the truth no matter how hard it is to hear it. And they’ll be the ones that I rush to respond to in their times of need. It’s kind of hard to believe that these are the friends that me as a third grader had found. The innocent heart of a child really is the most precious and discerning sometimes. If you read this, I love you guys and I’ll always be here like you have always been for me!
Last but not least, a shoutout to my mom: Happy birthday! I hope I’m the best present you’ve ever received and I know that sometimes I can be a real pain in the butt, but I promise to work hard and become the best present for you. I love you!