The end of another chapter

So Friday was the last day of classes of our whole pharmacy class together as next year it splits into 2 term rotations. Out of the whole 200 something class, I could only say that I had 2 friends. Before I got into pharmacy, I heard that it was like high school. A small class where people clique together and friendships are made. It looks that way. People took pictures together to commemorate the last day of classes of the year. And I don’t even talk to the person I sat beside this whole year. It’s been bittersweet going through these 3 years of school with all these people that I wouldn’t say I even knew. These 3 years where I’ve been so busy holed up in my depression and trapped in my anxiety that I became someone different. Where I was scared to make friends and fear that I would get into “that phase” again and drop all contact. Where I was scared of what other people thought even when I was doing nothing. Where I battled lonely battles with my headaches, losing the fight every time. Where I isolated myself because life was just too hard to deal with anything else. I know it wasn’t the best way to cope and I’m working on the slow process of fixing it. It was my own fault, but I couldn’t help being sad about how everything went these few years. It didn’t help that I also had an exam that didn’t go that well earlier that day. With all these piling up, it hit me hard and the waterfall of tears fell over the dam. With only one year left of university, the only university experiences I really had was going to lectures, going to the library to study, and lots of busing. And I can’t even blame myself as that’s only the shortcut to spiraling into the maze of depression. But I’ll have to take the easy way out this time and deal with these emotions later and take that route of avoidance. Because life keeps going, and 6 finals are waiting for me this month. For anything to get fixed, I’ll need to pass through this next hurdle first. It’s amazing how complicated life is like. And I’m the little character guy navigating through this expert-level maze with 1 life left. It’s good that there are always options to go backwards from dead ends to take other routes and 1 life is all that you need. Because no matter how “expert” your levels of life are, there is a way out and at the end, there’ll be a celebration of passing that level. And I just keep reminding myself that each maze is unique with its hurdles and obstacles. So It’s okay to take your own path as its different from theirs. They can’t see what your maze is like.

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