Living, and not just…living.

First off, I’ve realized how infrequently I post. It doesn’t help that school started again, term 2 of summer. There’s so much that happened and so much that I want to blog about but not enough time to sit down and actually do it. Well, and so that I can get all my thoughts out too – I’m sure my brain can only handle so much information before it’ll burst, and I need to save some memory space for my summer course! Ok, verbal diarrhea part 1…go!

Paintball. I can now say that I’ve tried it. I went with my friend, her sister, and my brother. It took a bit of convincing and my mom’s help to get my brother to come with us. But I’m glad he did, because we only have so much time and people to spend it with. I’d rather create more memories together (good or bad) than to realize that all the time had gone with no memories to fill it with. I ended up getting no welts or bruises (I was sweating like crazy under the two long sleeves and leggings and jeans, but I guess it was worth it?) while he got plenty on his legs. I got hit tons of times on the face mask but those didn’t hurt. However, the one hit that finished me was the one on the back of my head which gave me a bump and a headache. Well honestly the headache might’ve already been there since I seem to have a chronic tension type headache, but the bump definitely wasn’t there before! I was a noob to begin with, failing majorly with my first time playing COD and being noobs at our first paintball experience with pros didn’t help, but honestly, I think that even if I had lots of practice, I’d die probably instantly if thrown into a battlefield armed. On another note, with the mentality of creating as many moments (live like you’re dying), I’m going to be watching football with my family this week as well since they got tickets. Yes, I find football (and most sports) boring to watch, especially having went to multiple games when my brother was on the football team at school, but I think it’ll be a good experience. And another thing to put on and cross off my bucket list! Whether trying new things end up with good or bad experiences, I at least experience something and learn something.

I’ve also found my motivation to live. Not just surviving and staying alive, but to live. Living may mean different things to different people in different walks of life, but the similarity between them all? There’s just so much to life. You will make your life as full as you want it to be. Before, I was “living” simply because I was…alive. I was doing what I needed to do to get through life, but I didn’t mind if I had died at any moment. Remembering this documentary I watched a while ago made by Love Life really got to me this time. There are people out there with a terminal illness knowing they are going to die soon but not when, and they want to live SO BADLY. They have so much they want to do! So many goals, hopes, dreams. And here I am, not caring about my life. Is that fair?! Most definitely not! Therefore, I’ve decided to really live my life to the fullest. Living not only for myself, but also for those around me. I want to make it worth all the time and love they put into me. Living now means to try new things, forgiving myself of the past and moving on, not being afraid to make mistakes, and spread the love. To infinity and beyond!


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