Dear 30 year old me,

First, you better have said happy birthday to mom, or is she on her vacation already? Yes this seems random but I guess it’s like a time capsule? I have never done one, and I’d like to have some sort of memory to look back on and laugh/ponder about. I’ve lived for 2 decades. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but at the same time it seems like forever. There’s been so much that’s happened in those 2 decades. From a baby to an adult. When you read this, it’ll be 3 decades. It’s interesting thinking how so much can happen in only a few years, in only one year. I wonder if mommy and daddy liked the gift they will have finally received after these 10 years. You better have been saving up well! I hope you learned how to manage your finances. You will have graduated from UBC pharmacy and hopefully gotten a stable job. Do you like it? Have you changed your mind about pharmacy? I wonder if you will still like the same hobbies and celebs that you currently do. Haha why do I feel like I have to remind my future self of all the things I like right now? True I have a bad memory, but I do have all those photo collections of those celebs. Yes, I admit, I fangirl. I hope you don’t do that anymore, or that you don’t get too obsessed since I hope you’re married by now. Better still, maybe you have a baby? Right now, I’m considering adopting even if I’m able to have children. I wonder if you’ll still think that way. I wonder how much has changed, how much has happened. Have you learned how to cook? How to do laundry? I hope you’ve learned to be independent and have moved out. Oh how I wish I can see the future. One thing I know for sure though, is that your best friends are still Stephy and Mel. That won’t change.

However, joking aside, some things I do hope to remind myself are…remember what you’ve living for. Remember who matters. Remember to look at the bigger picture. Give yourself a break sometimes. If I’m already such a huge worrywart and stressed out person now, it’s just going to get worse. Or maybe you will have learned how to really destress yourself and relax. Remember to let yourself cry, but don’t cry too much or for too long. I’ve already started being able to watch action movies at theatres without giving myself chest pains (the pains that apparently are caused by doing too many push-ups). Maybe you’ll be able to like thrillers again like you used to, or if you don’t, it’s alright. Don’t let people pressure you into doing something you don’t want to, but don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. Do what’s right. And if there isn’t a right or wrong, do what is best for others. Don’t forget to do what you love. Sometimes “wasting time” on things and people are worth it and sometimes they’re not. I still haven’t figured out which is which. Maybe you’ll have a better grasp on that. Of course you will. You’ll be more experienced and wiser…I sure hope so. Looking not too far back, I’ve already realized how stupid I was and I hope you will say the same about me. It’s important to not get “stuck” in a stage in life. The world is changing and you’ll have to change along with it, adapt. Keep your beliefs though, and don’t ever, and I mean EVER hurt your family. Even though I sometimes don’t feel like I belong there, its an indescribable bond that I need you to work your butt off on. Don’t ever let it turn into the sort of families you’ve grown up with. Regrets are inevitable, but what I’ve learned is that time heals. So be patient. Give yourself time. However, if the time comes, you need to forgive yourself and get over it. Life is too short for you to remember all those regrets! You’ll have a truckload at your age! Hmm…I think that’s about it. Good luck in life and I hope you’re happy! Don’t be afraid to pursue your happiness.

On a side note, it’s almost funny how I make such a big deal about birthdays and didn’t do anything to celebrate it this year. The first year without a birthday party. Maybe it’s just me not wanting to face the fact that I’m not longer a kid/”teen” but I’m pretty sure I’ll still be a kid at heart forever, yeah? I’m too easily amused and also too easily amazed. Anyways, it just feels as though the big 2-0 means the actual start of adulthood. From now on, I’m living with more responsibilities, with not just “me” in mind. It scares me, but it’s exciting at the same time. Last word of advice? “If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you…still can”

Love,

~20 year old me

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