I love the cold but I hate it. You know winter is fast approaching when you wake up in the morning to bus to school and it feels like the night is just starting. It’s freezing cold, the street lights are still on, and the sky is an ominous grey. Winters where I am are already not considered harsh; some places are snowing already! However, as someone who gets cold really easily and is living in a house where the heat is not working…it’s cold. And on top of that, I’ve been feeling “cold” inside as well.
Maybe it’s the hormones, maybe it’s the depression, or maybe it’s just the mixture of everything going on in life right now, but I’ve been feeling like “ships in the night” (Mat Kearney). I’m desperately trying to believe in my own silent way, fumbling through the grey, trying to find a heart that’s not walking away. It feels like we’re learning this out on our own, trying to find a way down a road we don’t know. All I want to do is turn the lights down low and walk these halls alone because I feel so far from so close. We’re just wasting time and if it all goes crashing into the sea and it’s just you and me like ships in the night. You keep passing me by and we’re just trying to find the light. I fell in love with this song the first time I heard it. The emotions just felt so raw, everyone’s on the same journey. Life’s hard and it can be so lonely when you feel lost, like you’re just trying to figure out where you are, who you are. Passing people, they can be strangers or your friends that just seem so far away, happy in their own lives. The worst is when they’re people that were so close you at one point in life but now…they’re strangers just passing by without even a glance. All us lost people are trying to find acceptance, the place where we were meant to be. But, it changes, and there’s no “happily ever after” lighthouse blinking at us. And like the Titanic, we might crash into icebergs big and small. There are icebergs that may seem small but be 10 times the size of what we can see underwater. One small mistake in the degree we direct our ship towards can change the destination, the avoidance of a crash, or the time it takes to get there. Sometimes we don’t have a map, sometimes our map is outdated, and sometimes our map is so full of drawings and measurements that we can’t see anything.
Like ships in the night in so many aspects, we can only hope and try our hardest to reach our destinations. It doesn’t matter how much time it takes us or how we get there, but there will be a day when we can say that we reached that place or found that someone. Broken parts can be patched and fixed, sunken ships…well we can travel by submarine or those rescue lifeboats. New experiences good or bad will only increase our knowledge and understanding of our journey. The ocean is wide and perilous, but the storm will always clear. Waves can buffet all they want against my ship, but I’ll only strengthen the sides. All the bumps and icebergs in our way are there so that we may change our paths and anchor in paradise. Sometimes we can’t see what’s ahead nor know where we are going, but I know we’ll find lighthouses to guide us. We’ll all get there someday.