Feeling out of my skin

So recently, still on my “no regrets” 2013 new years resolution I have, I’ve been out of my comfort zone a lot. Today, I wore a different jacket than my usually full black attire and I felt so self-conscious. (yes it doesn’t seem like a drastic change, but to me it was very very hard) My mom had been nagging me to wear the jacket for two weeks now, one my aunt had gotten me from her recent trip to Hong Kong, a green army coloured patterned bomber jacket. I felt like I was wearing someone else’s clothes; it just didn’t feel…right. Then of course, I thought more about it and this concept of being out of my comfort zone, and it’s almost like acting. I hate being on stage, but life is a stage (excuse the cliché).

When we do things we aren’t used to or don’t really want to do, we act. Volunteering at a new place, I answer the phone calls, and as I am not very used to talking to strangers and asking them for their information, I kind of “act” when I answer phone calls. I have to sound mature, assertive, and like I know what I’m doing. Sometimes it’s very hard to act since I was still learning the gist of the tasks and I honestly don’t know what I’m doing. It’s not that extreme of acting like in plays and movies, but it’s still a type of acting, playing a character that you might not be like otherwise. I guess I’ll adapt and get used to being that character and who knows? Like how some people may become so used to their character offstage and live that double life, I may too. I just hope that I won’t lose myself in the process. 

On the topic of being out of my skin, abstractly, it feels like I’m literally out of my skin. The past few days I’ve been feeling like I’m looking at my life from the outside. Everything seems to be going well and I’m just going along for a ride. It slightly scares me because life usually gives me something to sober on in times like this, but I’m trying to enjoy it while I can. This happy floating feeling isn’t that bad when you don’t have to worry about the bad thing that might happen. 

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